Folks, I’m officially an adult today. I am 30! I already had a wonderful dinner with my sister last night, and friends have been calling me and wishing me well. It’s so nice to have a group of people who care about you and want you to succeed. Thank you guys! I can’t wait to experience more learning and growth in my 30’s.
Happy birthday to ME!

I walked around my yard today and admired all of the beautiful plants that are starting to bloom.  I noticed there were a bunch of daisies that had bloomed and started to wilt and die.  My ex taught me how to “deadhead” flowers.  I was always curious why you always had to deadhead, and he explained it like this: “The plant continues to give energy and life to those flowers that have run their course.  That energy is spent on dying blooms and it takes away from the energy new blooms need to flower.  So you cut off the parts that have bloomed to give way to more blooms.”

I started thinking about this and how much we all can learn from plants.  I started looking at my life and thinking about “deadheading the parts that have bloomed.”  If we stopped putting so much energy into the parts of our lives that have bloomed and have started to fade, we will be able to give our energy to the next bloom in our lives.  It’s a simple way to approach life, but sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the “blooms”.  When life is good, I have a tendency to hold on to it, squeeze the life out of it to try and keep it in my life.  What if I couldn’t do that?  What if I just stayed in the moment and let beauty come into my life, and let it leave when it’s supposed to?  I bet you I would be a little happier and more present.  Something to think about.

I try to make things happen. I am impatient. That combo of qualities can make me feel stressed at times. It also makes me try to force things to be the way I want them to be, instead of accepting them for what they are….or letting them evolve and become what they are supposed to be. I had a friend in town a few weeks ago who said to me “I’m going to let the situation reveal itself.” I was fascinated by that statement. A situation will become what it’s supposed to be regardless of my stressful thought or feelings right? I can have an idea of what i want, hold to that vision, and let the situation come into my life. That’s all good, but that persistent voice in the back of my head for things to happen quickly is so loud that I try to manipulate or force situations, people, business, clients, my body. You name it, and I have been impatient with it at some point in my life. WHY!?! What’s the rush?!

I spoke to one of my friends about this last night, this need to arrive. Well, the thing I’m realizing is that I don’t think I EVER will “Arrive”. Just saying that statement makes me a little anxious, like I am not doing enough. That idea that once I get this concept or know who I am, then life will be easier, or I’ll be happier. I will never arrive. Period. New challenges will continue to make me grow and adapt and learn and evolve until I die. So what’s the rush? What’s this need to get there, or to “know” everything, or to be a certain way? I’m not sure. What’s the compulsion to be a better person? I have no idea. The only thing I do know is that need will never go away, and I will constantly be out of the moment if I continue to think that I haven’t arrived. That thought comes up, I acknowledge it, and I think “Oh, silly ego. Destinations are for kids. Enjoy the journey.” That’s the only thing I can do: BE PRESENT.

This video is a great reminder. Plant don’t rush the process and they’re made up of the same infinite knowledge we are. Be like plants.

Pumpkin male flower time lapse from Timelapser on Vimeo.

I have RE-discovered that I need a lot of attention. …well, not NEED, but WANT a lot of attention or approval.  Where does this need stem from? If someone says they love me, and want to be with me, I feel a sense of peace.  I’m sure it’s a false sense of peace, but why do I crave that so badly to begin with?  What do I have when someone says that to me? I almost feel desperate for those words, but on the outside I try to play cool and calm.  I’m sure that desperate feeling just pushes people away, so why do I want it so badly? Is it that I’m not accepting myself?  I’m not happy with my life?  I have to say that I’m a pretty happy guy. I enjoy people, I enjoy my job, I like how I look, but sometimes I want more.  Why do I always want more? Am I EVER going to be satisfied? I learned so much from my last relationship, about forcing a situation that I shouldn’t have forced.  I tried to force it because I had a major health scare and it threw my world upside down.  I thought I was this strong man, and it turned out I was a frightened little boy.  I look back and I think wow, I did not have the tools to deal with that. I abandoned my family, my partner, my life I had grown accustomed to all from fear.   I think I still have some of that fear and maybe that’s why I want to latch on.  A sense of security maybe? I’m starting to realize it’s a false sense of security, so how do I work through this? How do I let go of this need?  How do I embrace the uncertainty of life and love? I can hear all my self help guru’s telling me to be in the present moment.  Right Derik & Tricia? The present moment doesn’t have any need to be accepted, the present moment is just a moment.  And then another…and another… The only thing I can control is my actions and my thoughts.  Back to focusing on myself….and It’s not selfish. I have to keep repeating that.

Hi. My name is Felipe , and I’m a realty television show addict.  There, I said it ok? Every time I watch these shows, I start getting caught up in the drama of it all. I like to see who’s going to win and how these contestants do each week.  For some reason, I was thinking this weekend about how I speak to people about current situations in my life.  It was almost as if there was a little voice, my ego,  in my head saying “Poor me, look at how I was treated.”  It was as if my ego, wanted validation for my situation.  It was like I was watching a reality tv show of my own life.  THAT SCARED ME!! What is this need? My ego is fighting for survival and is dramatizing my life for me.  I see it so much clearer in other people, and then realized I was creating my own Bravo show.  As much fun as that sounds to be famous for 15 minutes, that goes away and what do you have left? YOU! That’s it. Other people’s sympathy, hearing how wronged you were, or anger directed towards someone doesn’t amount to anything in the long run.  It’s useless…but I continue to buy into it. I don’t want to do that anymore.  I don’t need to be a victim. I don’t need to broadcast my insecurities to others by imploring their sympathies.  Deal with them.  Work through it.  Focus on your desires, your dreams and let go of the “obstacles” in your path.  It’s amazing how quickly I can tell that to someone else, but when it comes to me I don’t live it fully.  Just another step on this spiritual path.

At what point do you forgive your past, or someone else’s past? I know if Derik reads this he’s going to say “Someone Else’s past is none of your business” with a head shake and a snap. (maybe not the snap). This is the only moment we have, so how do we embrace our past, and look to the future but remain present?  I know my projections from the past are hurtling towards people in my present right now, which I’m sure is part of my break up.   My issues were with one person, and that doesn’t mean every person is going to be the same. I understand that intellectually, but I still find myself reacting in the same manner.   Why?  I can see how I tried to FORCE a situation or a person to be a way I needed, instead of just accepting the fact that it wasn’t working.  I don’t like viewing my past with regrets because I am who I am because of it.   When I talk about these things, it comes from a place of wanting to be a better person and wanting to be happy. That’s what we train ourselves to do right? When A happens, B happens. When I should be saying  you’re a different person, a different situation and I’m not going to let my hurtful past color this present moment.  At what point do you say, “Ok, I know I don’t want THIS to happen, but what about this?”  Lots of questions spinning around in my head which makes my mind work even more then it already does.

Why do I need to control the way things “should” be. It’s a constant struggle with me, and I just want to say to myself, “Come on!! You’re old enough to know better.” But what if I have a trait or a quality that is just inherently me.  A trait that no matter what kind of food I eat, situation I’m in, and life I lead is ALWAYS there.  When do you accept it?  If I really wanted to change I probably would, so is my ego telling me I should and shouldn’t? My friend Derik said to me the other day, your ego tells you what you should and shouldn’t do and your ego is not your true self.  That’s great and all, but this loud, obnoxious voice keeps screaming things in my head.  It’s a little annoying.

These are some of the things going through my mind right now.  My brain is tired.

Since breaking up with my partner, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I’m looking for in a person. Something popped into my head this morning that had a profound effect on me….”What am I waiting for? Why do I have to wait for some other person? Why can’t I try to be the things I’m looking for?” It was like a shining light in my life to realize that if I want someone who cooks, why don’t I learn how to cook? If I want someone who is compassionate, why not be more compassionate myself? If I want someone who is fun, adventurous, easy going, funny, then I should be those things. What am I waiting for? For someone to “complete” me? I have the capability to do/be all of the things I’m looking for.  It’s empowering to realize that we all have the ability to learn, adapt, grow, expand past our current understanding. I’ll keep you all posted with my first cooking class.

 There are some great trips to China offered right now by YTB.  If you’d like to see more visit this link: China Vacantion Packages.   Here’s an example of a great itinerary to China.

Day 1 - Los Angeles - Beijing (LAX/PEK MU586 12:30pm/11:35pm +1)
Depart Los Angeles aboard a spacious jet for your transpacific journey.

Day 2 - Arrive Beijing
Upon arrival, you will be transferred by air conditioned coach to the reserved hotel. After this long transpacific voyage, it’s a pleasure to settle into your luxurious accommodations.
Hotel: Kingwing Hot Spring Hotel or same class hotel (5 star)

Day 3 - Beijing
Beijing is the capital of China and has recently been selected as the host city for the 2008 Olympics. A tour coach will pick you up at the hotel, with the first stop arriving at Tiananmen Square, which is a famous landmark and holds distinction as being the world’s largest public square. After lunch, you will have a short visit to a pearl store. You will then continue your visit to the Forbidden City and the Royal Summer Palace. You will taste the roast Peking Duck lunch today.
Hotel: Kingwing Hot Spring Hotel or same class hotel (5 star) (B-L)

Day 4 - Beijing
You will visit the Great Wall of China snaking its way across thousand’s of miles of Northern China. On the way to the Great Wall, you will have a short stay to visit a Jade factory where you will enjoy the beautiful jade art. The Great Wall took several dynasties to complete and will be the subject of your tour for this day. You will have the opportunity to climb the Great Wall all the way to the top, or only a few steps. Bring good walking shoes. You will then descend to visit the Path to the Divinity (Mausoleum Road) later. Enjoy an exciting Chinese Acrobatics Show.
Hotel: Kingwing Hot Spring Hotel or same class hotel (5 star) (B-L)

Day 5 - Beijing - Shanghai - Suzhou by Flight
Today you will depart from Beijing to Shanghai by flight, the largest and most prosperous city in the nation. Shanghai is one of the largest economic, financial and cultural centers of the world. Later on that afternoon you will leave for Suzhou. and return to Shanghai for the last two of days of your trip.
Hotel: Wei Jing Guo Ji Hotel or same class hotel (5 star) (B-D)

Day 6 - Suzhou–Hangzhou
Suzhou has been called the “Venice of the Orient”, as it is an ancient town interlaced by numerous canals. Your city tour includes visits to the Liu Garden, the Grand Canal (photo stop). Before leaving Suzhou, you will visit a silk factory. Afterwards, you will travel to Hangzhou by coach.
Hotel: Hangzhou Jia Ri Hotel or same class hotel (5 star)(B-L)

Day 7 - Hangzhou - Xitang (Water Town) - Shanghai
With its cultural relics now restored and preserved, Hangzhou is known as one of the six famous ancient capitals of China. West Lake (Xihu) is an especially popular destination for its picturesque scenery. Before you leave Hangzhou, you must be sure to taste the famous Longjing Tea at Meiwu. On the way back to Shanghai, you will stop in the Water Town, Xitang.
Hotel: Shanghai Hua Ting Hotel & Towers or same class hotel (5 star) (B-D)

Day 8 - Shanghai
Today, you will explore this huge city and visit the Cheng Huang Temple, the People’s Square, and the Waterfront Bund. You can get a sense of the fast-paced, fashionable lifestyles of Shanghai residents. A silk carpet factory will be arranged to visit. Enjoy the optional Huangpu River Boat Ride tonight.
Hotel: Shanghai Hua Ting Hotel & Towers or same class hotel (5 star) (B-L)

Day 9 - Shanghai - Los Angeles (PVG/LAX MU583 2:45pm/10:30am)
In the morning, you will have a city tour to the Pudong New Developed Area. Not wanting to leave, you will take Meglev, the world’s fastest train, to the airport. (B)

Looking for more vacation packages? Visit http://www.ReserveYourFlight.com  for all your travel needs.

I was a little sad last week when I called my good friend Derik to ask him some advice. He’s a wise old man ( ), so he tends to put the mirror to my face and ask me some good questions. A couple of things he said resonated with me. “Should and Shouldn’t are EGO words.” I had to think about that for a minute. I should workout more. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I should wait to get into a relationship. I shouldn’t be doing this project. At what point do you start listening to yourself? At what point do you stop listening to the should’s of your mind and start listening to your heart? Sometimes, my should’s are SO loud I can’t help but listen to them….pesky little buggers. So that’s my question….when “should” I listen to my ideas about certain situations? And am I listening to my feelings? or my thoughts? My feelings don’t think, I do. Can anyone see where I’m going with this? Are the feelings I have about a situation a physical sensation or is it a general good or bad “feeling” in your stomach? I assume it’s different for each person so I can’t listen to my best friend’s advice and accept his truth as my own, but I kind of wanted to get a feeling for what people are thinking. To see if I’m normal or not….

I originally wanted to title this post “I’m not good enough” but I didn’t want to perpetuate that belief any more.  I just closed on a huge transaction yesterday which will help me refinance my house from my partner, pay my 2006 taxes off, pay my mortgage for the next two months, and keep me up to date on all my bills.  I should feel overjoyed about this wealth coming into my life, but for some reason I can seem to shake this fear.  I have been broken up for three weeks now from my partner of two and a half years.  It has been odd, exciting, freeing, scary, uncertain….I’ve gone through a gamut of emotions lately.   I am reading some great books to keep me grounded and on my path which are great, but I have moments of….I’m not sure.  I am writing this post directly from coming back from my accountant who does my taxes….maybe that’s a bad place to write a spiritual post. LOL.  Oh silly me….what I’ve come to realize is I still have some issues with feeling deserving. The first part of the year, I attracted so much into my life and I’m continuing to attract it.  I just feel held back by a lot of things.  Maybe I need to stop, sit down, evaluate my goals and readjust my thinking.   Are the activities I’m doing match my goals?  Am I doing one thing and hoping for another?  At what point do you abandon what you think you should do to hold onto your vision?  How much am I willing to sacrifice to get my goals?  Who says I have to sacrifice? Life is easy and wonderful. I expect great things to happen to me and I hope great things happen to those who expect it.  I believe the universe is sending me everything that I’m focusing on.  So what am I focusing on?  Why do I still have jealousy over someone who wasn’t right for me? Why do I get discouraged about projects that haven’t even started yet?  Is that an indication that I shouldn’t be working on that project? Am I trying to force a project to fit my vision when they contradict themselves? I’m starting to listen to my feelings more and more to get clarity, but what if I’m feeling fear? Then what?  Fear is a useless emotion that robs me of my passion, my path, my purpose….any other “P” words? Persistence? Perseverance?  So what emotions do I listen to and what emotions do I acknowledge an drop?  Sigh….just when I think I have things figured out, they shift or I have a “sad” day.  I guess without the valley’s the mountains don’t look as beautiful.