I’m working with a client that I think I gave up on.  I am so frustrated in not being able to get her  into a  home that I’ve gotten to the point of giving up.  It makes me feel so bad that none of my tactics have succeeded.  This situation doesn’t make me feel good about myself.   So, at what point do I throw in the towel? At what point do I say it’s not worth all the time and effort?  That is a horrible thing to think, but I’m angry that it hasn’t happened already.  Is that me being impatient and careless or is that me throwing a pity party for myself? There is obviously a reason the housing gods haven’t sent him a home….maybe she is here to teach me a lesson in patience and NOT giving up.   It would be a shame not to see this through after all of the time spent trying.  Then I would REALLY feel like a failure.  I need to just suck it up and get working…..more hard work. ….the prospect doesn’t sound fun.  Hmmmmm, maybe it’s my thoughts about the work that are depressing.  I think it’s going to be hard, difficult, and a little hopeless.  Ok, that really sets it up for me huh?  What DO I want?  I want to find a home easily, get a fair price, have a clear inspection and loan process, and get the client into their first home.  That will make me feel good and the client will get exactly what they want too.  Focusing on the obstacles makes my task so much harder, so why would I contine to do that? Because I’m believing my “story” that my thoughts have created.  Well, guess it’s time to stop that line of thinking.

 

My friend works with an organization that helps wards of the state get their life together as they officially become “Adults” at the age of 18.  She recently asked me if I would be interested in volunteering my time to help these kids get prepared to enter the real world.  It seems a little abrupt, but when these kids turn 18, the state is done helping them.  They have to find a job, a place to live, food, transportation….I think the idea of that is so staggering.  I have been incredibly fortunate in my life, with two parents who were definitely better off than many people in this world.  They taught me a very strong sense of work ethic and a way of pursuing my dreams that I continue to live today….but the idea that I would be totally on my own at 18 is frightening.   I’ve been thinking about what I would say to these kids about goals.  I’m not sure about the outline of the presentation, or the format but it’s made me think about what I would say if I was given free reign.  Here’s what I’ve been thinking about, and I’m going to write it like I’m speaking it to the kids.

First of all, I want to say that I am in awe of all of you.  You have been given very difficult circumstances in life, but you are all still here.   You are alive, and able to make choices in your life about your future.  Do you believe you all have choices? I’m here to remind you all, that your life is in your hands.  First off,  I want to see how you guys feel about your lives?  How do you see your futures?  What do you think your destiny is?  What do you dream about?  Are you angry? Are you sad? Do you have hope?  Do you feel like life sucks and what’s the point?  Whatever you’re feeling is ok.  Experience what you’re feeling, but as you do, become aware of what you’re feeling.  Being aware of your thoughts and feelings is the first step to making any choice. You can’t change a thought you don’t know you’re having.   I want to reiterate, I have no earthly idea how you must feel.  I will never know what it feels like to be in your shoes, so as I say all of this, know that I think all of you are incredibly courageous.

Ok,  you are probably aware of your feelings about your situation, but answer me this:  Do you believe you will be successful in spite of your situation?   Think about that for a minute…..do you imagine yourself doing what you want to do in life? Can you see yourself doing the job you want? Living in the city you want? Eating in the restaurant you want?  Being in a relationship?   What is your first thought when I ask you to do this?  Do you dream but then think it’s impossible?  Do you think about all of the things that will get in the way?  Do you think about all of the limitations?  Do you think how you will not have enough money? Do you think it’s too hard to do?  I will tell you with 100% certainty, if YOU don’t think you can do “it”, you won’t.    The second key to being successful, is BELIEVING you can achieve your dreams. This can be a tough one if you’re used to thinking about all of the obstacles, and everything that stands between you and your dreams.  One thing that always helps me when I’m worried about achieving my goals, or afraid I won’t be successful is just to imagine the possibilities.   If you want to be a graphic designer but you don’t have the money to go to college, do you know with absolute certainty that you can’t go to college?  Can you tell me without a shadow of a doubt there is no POSSIBLE way you can go to college?  If you say yes, how can you know for sure that is true?  You can’t.  Are you a mind reader?  Do you have a crystal ball that you’re looking into, because if you do I need to borrow it.  So instead of thinking a thought that contradicts what you want, try this: name a couple of possibilities of going to college.   Just start thinking of ways you could go to college.  Could you win the lottery?  It’s possible.  Could you get a scholarship? It’s possible. Could you find a job that helps pay for college? It’s possible.   Could you find grants from the state and local levels?  Could you run into someone looking to teach and mold a bright young protege?  Yes, all of this is possible.   Now, let’s go back to the very first thing you need in order to make a choice-AWARENESS.   When you think these thoughts of all the possibilities helping you towards your goal, what do you feel?  Do you feel excited?  Do you feel exhilarated? Is hope in your body?  Can you see your potential life?  Won’t you agree that feeling and thinking this way makes your life a lot better than feeling defeated?  If it feels better to you, will help you move towards your goal rather than away from it, and give you hope, why not make a choice to think THESE thought and drop the old thoughts?

Now that you are all aware of the possibilities in life, and are willing to make a choice, let’s talk about S.M.A.R.T.     SMART is an acronym that I use any time I’m trying to achieve a goal of mine. Here’s what it stands for:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Time

Specific means just that.  When you are choosing your goals, make sure it’s specific in nature.  “I want to be rich” is very generic.  How rich?  Specifically how many dollars do you want in the bank?    ” I want to live in California”  What part?  What kind of home do you want to live in? A condo? A house?  Is it by the beach?  Can you walk to work?  The more specific your goal is, the more you are connected to your passion.

Measurable means you have a way to check whether or not you’re hitting your goal.  If you aim at nothing, you will hit it 100% of the time.  You have to be able to look at your progress towards your goal, and take celebration in smaller accomplishments.  If your goal is to save $1,000 for a new TV, you can measure how much you have saved.  If you want to lose 10 pounds, each pound is a small celebration.

Attainable.  Is your goal attainable?  Are you able to do this goal?  Many times when I start a goal, I dream of something that is five steps down the road.  There are some major things that need to happen before the ultimate goal.   If you want to be a doctor, you first have to go to medical school.    If there are certain steps you need to take to make the ultimate goal, start with those goals and break them down using S.M.A.R.T.

Realistic. This one can stump me sometimes because I tend to think very big. Why not? It’s fun to dream.  Is what you’re trying to achieve realistic?  Do you want to fly to the moon?  There is a possibility to do that, yes, but it might not be the most realistic.   Many times, I tend to set a goal that is so much higher than I have ever tried, that I get frustrated when it doesn’t happen.  Two schools of thoughts on this one, aim high and even if you miss you will probably be ahead of where you would be if you aimed low.   And the other safer thought is to push the boundaries in smaller increments so you don’t get too discouraged.  Remember, you have control of your choices in life.  You are in the driver’s seat of your thoughts and actions, so listen to what your feelings are telling you.

Time. You must have a deadline.  You must give some kind of structure to your goals.  Try a specific time line with the end goal in mind.  From there, work backwards and write down everything that is needs to take place in order to achieve your goal.   Breaking your goal down to smaller more manageable parts REALLY helps.  Remember, you only have the present moment to make choices.  Choose to stay in the moment, work on smaller activities which, when combined, form a huge accomplishment.

The last major, HUGE ingredient to success, is having faith in yourself. Despite set backs or obstacles, if you truly hold on to your vision, you can accomplish anything you choose.  The faith and the knowing will attract circumstances and people into your life that will help you along the way.  There is no need for desperation or scrambling.  With your confidence and your unwavering resolve, you WILL see your dreams realized.

Whoa….I had no idea all that was inside me.   I guess this is definitely something I should do. Makes me feel good, and hopefully I can make a few of these kids realize that even though their life is tough, they have the choice to be, or do anything they want.  Makes me want to reach further towards some of my own goals….n

I am meeting a friend of mine for drinks after work tonight. This woman is incredibly intelligent, successful, fun, and for some reason, she has taken me under her wing and has helped me clarify a  lot of goals.  She tells me a lot that I would love her son, which makes me think that I must be similar to him in personality.  Anyway, a lot of times I open up to her about my fears and feelings of inadequacy.  I was envisioning how our drinks would go today…but in the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve gained some inner confidence.  I’m not sure if it’s reading another spiritual book, or if it’s a couple of comments my partner made to me, but I feel like everything is going to be ok.  My partner has a real aversion to all of the “self-help” books I read.  I asked him why he reacts so strongly to it, and he said “Everything they say in there is common sense.  A lot of times, those books make you reopen things in your past so you can have “healing” time.  I think you can become so self absorbed that you never move forward” or something to that affect.  He always makes me think about my life, my actions, my goals, and it forces me to let go of some bad habits, and embrace some stronger thoughts.   Anyway, that exchange made me realize that I already know all this stuff that I read over and over again.  I have read probably thirty books about spirituality, manifesting, loving what is….I get it.  I think I read them as a

A picture of me contemplating my life.

reminder of what is important, a reminder to think by those ideals.   I think I felt like I didn’t know how, or wasn’t sure if I had it inside my body.  His reaction really made me discover that I DO understand.  I know what is right for me, and I am going to OWN that.  That’s kind of what I’ve been feeling over the last couple of weeks.   Owning my thoughts, my life, my actions, my intentions, and letting the fear slip away.

So having said all that, going back to the drinks tonight, I was thinking about my interactions with this friend and I wondered if I use my “self depricating” dialogue with her in order to get her energy.   I say often with her, that I don’t feel successful, or I want to be better, or I vent about my frustrations.  Do I do that to get her energy?  She almost always reminds me of good qualities I have and tells me to not be hard on myself.  She has this very naturing way about her that makes me feel like it’s going to be ok.   Today, I am going to try a different approach.  What about giving HER my energy??? Hmmmmm……I like it!

Last September, my mother, sister, and I had the once in a life time experience of going to Africa.  My mother called me up at the beginning of August and asked if we wanted to go and I shouted with a resounding YES!!  I was so excited to go and experience a whole new continent I’ve never seen.  I started to ask my mother “Why Africa?”  She told me that she had adopted a couple of elephants.  I think I actually laughed out loud, thinking my mother is crazy.  I thought she was getting scammed into doing this trip and donating all her money to a fake foundation trying to capitalize on people’s emotions.

Elephants Grow Attached to their keepers

Babies are protected by older elephant

Babies are kept warm with a blanket

When we arrived in Nairobi, Kenya,  we were taken to the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust where we were to see these “adopted elephants”.   I am SO happy to say, that ALL of my pre-conceived notions about the foundation, about elephants, and about the compassion these wonderful keepers have towards these amazing creatures were completely wrong.   I saw with my own eyes the actual elephant sanctuary where the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust rescues baby elephants and raises them.  First of all, I have never really paid attention to elephants except at a zoo.  While I was there I was able to interact first hand with these fascinating animals.   In fact, we were there the day they rescured a baby elephant who was only 3 weeks old.  I can’t tell you how CUTE they are too.  The orphans are raised by keepers who actually sleep with them.  The keeper’s devotion to their little babies are amazing!  Their social structure is very similar to ours.  They are adolescents until 5 years, 8-15 are the teenage years, and they mature right around 18 years of age.  The matriarch leads the pack and protects the young from the dangers of the jungle.

Here is the mission statement for the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust:

The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust is a small, flexible charity, established in 1977 to honour to memory of a famous Naturalist, David Leslie William Sheldrick MBE, the founder Warden of Tsavo East National Park in Kenya, where he served from its inception in 1948 until his transfer to Nairobi in 1976 to head the Planning Unit of the newly created Wildlife Conservation & Management Department. David died 6 months later but his legacy of excellence and the systems he installed for the management of Tsavo and wildlife generally in Kenya, particularly in the sphere of wildlife husbandry and ethics, lives on.

Charitable Status & How we Operate

Since its inception, the Trust has remained true to his principles and ideals, its modus of operation overseen by 6 competent and well versed Trustees assisted by an Advisory Committee of practical Naturalists with a lifetime experience of wildlife, local environmental conditions and the history of conservation in this country. In 2004 the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust attained US Charitable status enhancing its corporate funding capability under the guidance of the U.S. based Friends of the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, all whom work on a voluntary basis. On 9th June 2004 it was incorporated as a Charitable Company Limited by Guarantee in the U.K. and granted charitable status by the Charities Commission, its Charity No. 1103836. A Company Limited by Guarantee retains the overall jurisdiction of the Trust’s existing Trustees over the disbursement of funds generated in the U.K.

If you’d like to learn more about these fascinating animals who need your help, please visit their website and read the stories on each of the rescued baby elephants. You can also contribute towards their care by adopting an elephant at the website by clicking here.

I’ll upload a video I created for my family about our Africa Trip. Amazing clips of the elephants.

Who's really in control? Me or God? Or BOTH??

I had an amazing conversation last night with my partner.  I’ve been reading Wayne Dyer’s latest book called  “Excuses BEGONE!”  I had a wonderful reminder of something that is probably my biggest weakness.  I am pretty ambitious, hard working, and I know what I want.  I am the kind of person who gets things done, or at least started.  I find myself constantly reaching for a goal, and wanting it to happen on my schedule.  Well, sometimes my goals don’t happen on my time.  What I learned or was reminded yesterday was that if I truly believe that God or The Universe or Buddha (replace with whatever you believe) is a friendly, supportive force bringing into your life exactly what you need to get you where you need to go, then there is no need for “time” based on MY schedule.  Right?  Does that make sense?   So I believe we attract everything into our lives.  If something comes into my life that is not exactly what I planned, it’s all part of what I need to get me on my path to where I want to go.

I was telling my partner all this yesterday, and he had definite opinions(as always).  He grew up as a youth pastor, and very involved with the church.  He posed the question: “What if God has other plans for you?”  I was sitting there with my mouth kind of opening and closing not sure of what to say next.  That threw me for a loop.  I think for the controlling part of my personality, I want to believe that I create my own agenda.  I have goals, directions, and the universe supports my passions and my primary habitual thoughts.  The idea that God says, “I know you want this, but you’re going to have this instead” or “I know you are trying for this, but I’m not going to let it happen” is difficult to understand.   But when things come into my life, regardless of whether or not I believe god is taunting me, or providing my desires, it’s important for me to accept what is right in front of me.  My partner said that is the essential definition of happiness, to be able to accept what life/God gives you and adapt.  Everything happens, but how we react to what happens is the key to happiness.

When I feel I’ve been mistreated or hurt emotionally, I have a hard time letting it go.  I always hear the phrase “Forgive and Forget” but I just can’t seem to forget.  I remember things that hurt me.  I was talking to my real estate partner about this and she is the same way.  She told me about a great guest speaker she heard recently at a personal development workshop in San Diego, and he basically said the same thing.  When you have wounds, the scars are usually a reminder of the pain.  But here’s where I could turn this around: Don’t forget the pain, but accept what happened and make a choice to forgive.   When I relive the emotional pain of a past relationship, my stomache constricts, I feel tight, sad, and angry at myself, the situation, the way events unfolded.   I can NOT forget how that made me feel.  Even just writing about it makes me….deminish?  I shrink when I think about it, and it stirs up incredible amount of insecurity.  That ain’t going anywhere, but the choice to forgive myself, my ex, the situation is here and now.  Many times I’ve felt that I can’t forgive, but holding on to so much pain weighs the body, mind, and spirit.  Yes that sucks it happened.  But continuing to feed the past with emotional energy prevents me from moving to a new place.  It’s very victimey(Is that even a word?).   I think when unforseen circumstances and unfortunate events happens to me, my first reaction is to “Why Me?” for about an hour.  Then I say, “Ok.  This happend, now what can I do about it?”  or I think “Well, that’s NOT what I want! What is it I DO want?”  Same goes for forgiveness.   You can not forgive someone if you are not making a choice to do so.  Choosing to accept the wrong doings and moving on with your life and forgiving people empowers you to focus on your path.  You have NO control over anything but your choices.  That statement scares me a little…and probably scares any of those controlling type personalities reading this.   But if you only have to control your choices, everything else just happens.  Hmmmm….I like that.  Everything just happens.  Period.  How we choose to judge the events is OUR responsibility.  Take control over your choices.

I met with my real estate partner yesterday.  She had just come back from a personal development seminar/workshop with our former business coach Brian Buffini.  She shared some really great insight she learned.  It reminded me of a couple of really important lessons that sometimes I forget as I get caught up in the drama of everyday life.

Ultimately, the only thing….the ONLY thing we have control over is our selves.   I can’t force someone to buy a house, I can’t make our economy rebound, I can’t speed the “process” of life along.  Hmmmm….”the Process”….”The Journey?”…..same thing really.  I think in the last couple of years I have accepted the fact that I will never “arrive.”  I will probably never be totally  satisfied reaching a goal, because there will be new goals, and new struggles, and new adventures right around the corner.   When I write those words, I hope people don’t think that I’m throwing in my towel and giving up.  That is not my intention at all…but I am letting go of the idea that “When I get this, I will be happy” or “When I do this or accomplish that, I will feel complete.”  The choice to be happy is always available to me and I am going to choose to be happy.  I have an amazing life even under my current economics stesses and pressures, I am a VERY furtunate person.  It’s easy to have a victim mentality when all you hear in the news or on NPR how the recession this, the economy that, war here, devestation there….I find my soul deminishes.  It’s constantly effort to keep focusing on the good, the positive that life has to offer.

I had the opportunity to visit Africa for the first time last year.  I was SHOCKED at the poverty and lack of what we Americans take for granted like running water or electricity….or Paved ROADS!!  Sometimes, when I feel frustrated with my blessed life, I need to be reminded of how lucky I am.  So this post is a post of gratitude and appreciation for the ability to make a choice.  A Choice to be happy, grateful, and a choice to be focused on my values, goals, and direction I want to lead my life.  THANK YOU!

I tend to be pretty creative and always thinking about new projects, or better ways to do my job, or write, or workout….I think a lot.  Sometimes I have been accused of not finishing or following through with a plan of attack, and my defense to that is I’m trying something new and improved.  I’m a very good starter…I have a vision and I get things in place to make a move, however I don’t think I continue the vision long enough to truly see results.  I’ve been frustrated with  the real estate market in Las Vegas, trying to figure out how to best attract clients, and get my client’s offers accepted.  I am quite motivated to get more clients, because that is how I make money.  I’ve been keenly aware of money lately.  This economic downturn has been a jolt to the system and I’ve definitely had to tighten my belt.   So I’m constantly thinking of new ways to improve my business so I  feel more at ease financially.  I was talking about to my partner about one more of my ideas to increase my business and he  told me to stop. “Why don’t you just follow through with anything instead of adding more to your plate.”  I was completely taken aback by his comment and was a little hurt and defensive. After sleeping on his comments, I  tried to hear his intention, and not take it personal, and it was like a light bulb switched on.  I keep thinking of ways to improve or be better because of fear.  I am not completely trusting my instincts and following through on my visions.  I let the process start and my fear of not enough money, or  fear of failure makes me let it fall.  My father has talked to me a lot about his fear in life.  He says he makes the majority of his decision based on fear.  Fear of not being able to provide, fear of not being good enough, fear of being poor.  My Mother also worried a lot about money when I was a kid.  She is a stock broker and when she and my father divorced it was like her emotions followed the market.  When it was up, she was happy, when it was down, she was depressed. I can see the same kinds of habitual thinking in myself.  So how do I get over this silly way of thinking?  I know that I am working hard and that my efforts will pay off, but  in the mean time I have credit cards to pay off…..when does my faith say forget it?  I am having difficulties trusting.  My fear is holding back my trust in God, the Universe, the big person controlling this world, Buddha etc.  I want to believe in myself and my efforts, but maybe I need to trust outside myself too.  Do you see my dilema?  How do I maintain a complete faith in god when I’m afraid?  Is it meditating? Is it trying to stay focused on the goal and not waivering from that achievement?  Should I reallign my thoughts before doing any actions? It will work out. Right?

I have not written on this blog in over a year.  An entire year of my life has passed without any contributions to this site.  I’m kind of shocked and saddened by that.  I remember when I first started to work on this blog. It was an obsession, a kind of therapy for me to write my feelings and get feedback from the ether of the internet.   I have been keeping a journal fairly regularly, but I drifted away from this medium.  I look back on my posts and I remember how hurt and damaged I was.  How my escape was to write and express my fears and concerns and my joys.  I still have all of those self defeating doubts about myself.  I still feel not “good” enough. Why?  Right now, I don’t feel successful because I am financially strapped.  I look back at the last three years and I think what a waste of money.  How I was so nonchalant about my money and didn’t appreciate it.  I don’t think I did anything overly extravagant like buy a ridiculous car or tons of exorbitant clothes, but I definitely enjoyed food, travel and liked the idea of not having to worry about prices.  I think the down turn in this economy has forced so many people to stop, look and re-evaluate their current circumstances.  For example, when I was in my twenties, I would dream about having a home with my partner and have this fantasy life in a house.   It’s funny when you get your idea, and it’s not quite what you hoped for.  Or you start to realize that living in your dreams keeps you away from the present.  That is one of the trickiest  balances in life I think; focusing on your desires, but remaining present until the desires arrive.  I will never be 100% satisfied. There will always be new goals, new ideas, new passions, new experiences to have….so why is it so important to check off my list?  Wait…that’s not the right intention for what I want to say….hmmmm, I guess what I mean is that I thought doing the house with the picket fence would bring me happiness.  It did, but ultimately it is a house.  The choice to be happy can happen in any circumstance.  That’s what I’ve learned about owning a home and now selling it.  My self worth and ultimately my sense of peace cannot lie outside of me.  It can NOT be outside of me. It is inside that the peace and calm starts.  It’s so easy to buy into the ideas commercials tell us.  I just learned that 70% of our entire economy is based on consumption.  Consume consume consume.  Ok, I can definitely tell I haven’t written in a while.  So many ideas just bursting to get out.  I do enjoy writing.  Transparent right?

I’ve been reading Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. Yes, I know that I’m a dork for reading Star Wars but I just couldn’t read another self help book. So as I’m reading, Obi-Won Kenobi says this to Anakin: “Until the possible becomes actual, it is only a distraction. Be mindful of what is, not what could be.” I have read that passage over and over again. I think it’s so simple, but quite profound. I’ve gone through a few experiences in the last couple of weeks that have tested my patience, my integrity, and my emotional well being. I have learned that I like to anticipate potential problems in my business and prepare for them in case they happen. I think that is being a good agent. Well, recently I’ve encountered situations where I don’t have the kind of control I’m used to having. Wow, that is a slap in the face teaching me to let go. Sometimes I have no control, so what do I do in those types of situations? Do I fight it? Do I try to force it to change? Do I let go and let god? It’s been a challenge to just let go for me. Why? Is it because I think I know what’s best? Is it because I think MY way is the only way? Am I being closed minded and not open to new experiences? Am I reacting out of fear? OOOOOOO….that one hit close to home. Fear. Stupid fear. What would I be like without this emotion? Who would I be? All of these questions I’m asking myself, can be answered in the books I’ve read. Fighting against reality is flowing “upstream” according to Abraham. Who would I be without the thoughts of fear? Byron Katie would say, that I would be Felipe doing his job. Are these situations coming into my life to teach me yet again that I haven’t quite let go of the need to control things? That’s how I feel right now.