I CAN’T Believe I just typed those words. When ever I think about victims, or more so the victim mentality, I start to get a little judgmental, a little holier then thou, a little snobby because I could never be like them. Well, folks I’ve had some amazing time this weekend to reflect on my life and where I’ve been for the last three or four weeks. I’ve been hurting. Sad. Unmotivated. I’m not doing my job like I should. I’ve lost some hope. I’m concerned about money. I’m not actively seeking out new business. I stopped prospecting. I’ve been eating poorly. I’ve treated my body poorly. I haven’t been pursuing anything. I’ve been “going through the motions” in a crappy way. I couldn’t figure out why? Well, this book I’m reading right now, “Loving What Is” is changing my whole way of thinking. Actually, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, this book is giving me clarity to thoughts I intellectually believed, but couldn’t find a way to apply them to life. I know I shouldn’t feel stress about money, but I do. I know I should let people be who they are, but I think they should act a certain way. I know that I want to feel passionate about something, but sometimes I don’t. This book has taught me to investigate thoughts that I believe, but haven’t really understood why?

We go through many different events in life. And the events are exactly that, things in your life. What we tend to do is create a story to justify these events, or a story to excuse the event, or a story to cope with the event. It’s in these thoughts that stress, and discomfort arise- not in the actual event. Events or Situations take place all the time. That’s all they are. Nothing more, nothing less. But notice how you feel when something happens to you that makes you mad, sad or frustrated, or defeated. It’s the thoughts that won’t stop- thoughts that make you feel bad. It’s the thoughts that create the story that you believe, it’s the story that doesn’t accept the present. “They should be more understanding”, “My clients should have waited for me”, “My body is preventing me from being….”, “I am afraid to confront someone.” Whatever thoughts you’re thinking or feeling, you can understand them better by asking yourself four questions:

“My lover should start working out more and taking better care of his body”

1) Is that true? Yes or No? My thinking is yes. If he ate better, and worked out, he’d be healthier.

2) Can you ABSOLUTELY KNOW this is true? What if he’s already perfectly healthy the way he is? What if his body functions best in it’s current state? How can you ABSOLUTELY know that your statement is the best course of action for him? Are you a molecular scientist who has studied how the body works? Do you know without one shred of doubt that your statement is true? Ultimately, NO. I don’t know that it’s true. Move on to question 3

3) What do you feel when you think these thoughts? How do you behave? What does your body do when you think the thought “My lover should start working out more and taking better care of his body?” I start to get resentful that he stays on the couch all day, smoking and eating, and not exercising. I start to get disgusted with him. I start to wonder why I’m with him. I feel like he’s wasting his life. Thinking those thoughts make me distant and abrasive. Do you think he wants to be with someone who is abrasive and distant? Probably not. So thinking the thought that he should work out more makes me more distant and mean. Wow. Continue:

1. Give me one stress free reason to continue to think this thought? One reason, that brings peace into your life when you think this thought? ….I can’t find one. There isn’t a stress free reason.

4) Close your eyes and imagine who you would be, how you would live your life in the moment if you couldn’t think that thought? How would you behave? I would be a nicer person. I would realize that his body is his business. I would be able to focus on better things that I can control rather than focusing on what he does.

Now, take your statement and turn it around 180 Degrees. “My lover should work out more and take better care of his body” turns into “I should work out more and take better care of MY body.” Or “My lover Shouldn’t work out more and shouldn’t take better care of his body.” When I turn the statement around, the first one rang true for me. I should be taking better care of my body, but I’m not. Could I be disgusted with my self? Should I not be wasting my life? Do I ever wonder why he’s with me? The purpose is not to DROP the thought. That’s not the point of this, but to investigate the thought. Thoughts happen to us. If I could choose not to think these thoughts I would, but I can’t. I think them. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it just makes me a person who doesn’t inquire about my thoughts. When I look at my thoughts and emotions in this light, I start to feel better, more peaceful, easier. When I start to accept that my lover doesn’t work out, and is not affectionate, I see him for who he is because that’s his job. His job is to be not affectionate, or not active until he IS active. It’s accepting what IS rather than trying to make him something he’s not.

Our world is simply a mirror of our projections. When we want to see someone who works out, WE want to work out. When I see someone who’s walls are up, I can turn that around and say maybe I have walls up too. It makes life so much easier instead of having to fight upstream. It’s such a lighter feeling. If you get a chance go to Byron Katie’s website called THE WORK. It’s remarkable.

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