Should and Shouldn’t « Spiritual Travelman’s Weblog

Posted by: Felipe Crook | March 4, 2008

Should and Shouldn’t

I was a little sad last week when I called my good friend Derik to ask him some advice. He’s a wise old man ( ), so he tends to put the mirror to my face and ask me some good questions. A couple of things he said resonated with me. “Should and Shouldn’t are EGO words.” I had to think about that for a minute. I should workout more. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I should wait to get into a relationship. I shouldn’t be doing this project. At what point do you start listening to yourself? At what point do you stop listening to the should’s of your mind and start listening to your heart? Sometimes, my should’s are SO loud I can’t help but listen to them….pesky little buggers. So that’s my question….when “should” I listen to my ideas about certain situations? And am I listening to my feelings? or my thoughts? My feelings don’t think, I do. Can anyone see where I’m going with this? Are the feelings I have about a situation a physical sensation or is it a general good or bad “feeling” in your stomach? I assume it’s different for each person so I can’t listen to my best friend’s advice and accept his truth as my own, but I kind of wanted to get a feeling for what people are thinking. To see if I’m normal or not….

Posted in Random Sh#@! | Tags: feeling vs thoughts, listening to yourself, should, shouldn't

Responses

I don’t know how “normal” you are Felipe, but I think your feelings are certainly natural. It’s hard to know where our expectations for ourselves come from, sometimes. Are they our parents’ or teacher’s “shoulds”? Who was it who said “Be careful you don’t ’should’ all over yourself!”?
It sounds like you are going through many changes and adjustments right now. I know what that’s like. I can only advise you to be gentle with yourself while you’re feeling this way. And to quote Abraham: “reach for the thought that feels a little better”. I get those good or bad feelings in my stomach, too! It’s interesting you mention those, as they are a direct conduit into our guidance in my opinion. I believe, wholeheartedly, that you can trust them. Take care, Keep us posted!

By: museditions on March 4, 2008
at 1:35 pm

Sometimes the should feeling is not based on what other people think, but based on our own instinct. I have a feeling that I should workout. WHy? because I FEEL better when I do. It has nothing to do with telling other people that I work out. It is about my benefit, and my instinct is telling what to do to improve myself.
Right now you are going through some hard times. What happens in those hard times??… We fall back on our old comfortable habits. Think about the ’should’s’ you are dealing with. Do you think it is your instinct telling you what might be best for you? If so, then do it, do not feel bad, do not second guess, just do it. It is confusing because now your ego or your old habits want to take over, it is uncomfortable to change. ( just growing pains)
Now if you are ’shoulding’ yourself to other peoples ideas, then you will know deep down. sometimes, it is good to listen to the SHOULDS. As long as they are our ’shoulds.’

By: Tricia on March 5, 2008
at 6:02 pm

Thank you guys for your thoughtful responses. You each bring up great points, and I know that eventually I can dissolve old habits and form new ones with my thoughts. I like the idea of reaching for a thought that feels better. I haven’t really been listening to other people’s shoulds, I have been quite introspective and asking myself. Sometimes “myself” doesn’t know. Lol…figure it out already!!!
And back to the loving place….patience, that’s one thing I’m working on….yeah right.

By: Felipe on March 5, 2008
at 11:58 pm