I have RE-discovered that I need a lot of attention. …well, not NEED, but WANT a lot of attention or approval.  Where does this need stem from? If someone says they love me, and want to be with me, I feel a sense of peace.  I’m sure it’s a false sense of peace, but why do I crave that so badly to begin with?  What do I have when someone says that to me? I almost feel desperate for those words, but on the outside I try to play cool and calm.  I’m sure that desperate feeling just pushes people away, so why do I want it so badly? Is it that I’m not accepting myself?  I’m not happy with my life?  I have to say that I’m a pretty happy guy. I enjoy people, I enjoy my job, I like how I look, but sometimes I want more.  Why do I always want more? Am I EVER going to be satisfied? I learned so much from my last relationship, about forcing a situation that I shouldn’t have forced.  I tried to force it because I had a major health scare and it threw my world upside down.  I thought I was this strong man, and it turned out I was a frightened little boy.  I look back and I think wow, I did not have the tools to deal with that. I abandoned my family, my partner, my life I had grown accustomed to all from fear.   I think I still have some of that fear and maybe that’s why I want to latch on.  A sense of security maybe? I’m starting to realize it’s a false sense of security, so how do I work through this? How do I let go of this need?  How do I embrace the uncertainty of life and love? I can hear all my self help guru’s telling me to be in the present moment.  Right Derik & Tricia? The present moment doesn’t have any need to be accepted, the present moment is just a moment.  And then another…and another… The only thing I can control is my actions and my thoughts.  Back to focusing on myself….and It’s not selfish. I have to keep repeating that.