I am meeting a friend of mine for drinks after work tonight. This woman is incredibly intelligent, successful, fun, and for some reason, she has taken me under her wing and has helped me clarify a  lot of goals.  She tells me a lot that I would love her son, which makes me think that I must be similar to him in personality.  Anyway, a lot of times I open up to her about my fears and feelings of inadequacy.  I was envisioning how our drinks would go today…but in the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve gained some inner confidence.  I’m not sure if it’s reading another spiritual book, or if it’s a couple of comments my partner made to me, but I feel like everything is going to be ok.  My partner has a real aversion to all of the “self-help” books I read.  I asked him why he reacts so strongly to it, and he said “Everything they say in there is common sense.  A lot of times, those books make you reopen things in your past so you can have “healing” time.  I think you can become so self absorbed that you never move forward” or something to that affect.  He always makes me think about my life, my actions, my goals, and it forces me to let go of some bad habits, and embrace some stronger thoughts.   Anyway, that exchange made me realize that I already know all this stuff that I read over and over again.  I have read probably thirty books about spirituality, manifesting, loving what is….I get it.  I think I read them as a

A picture of me contemplating my life.

reminder of what is important, a reminder to think by those ideals.   I think I felt like I didn’t know how, or wasn’t sure if I had it inside my body.  His reaction really made me discover that I DO understand.  I know what is right for me, and I am going to OWN that.  That’s kind of what I’ve been feeling over the last couple of weeks.   Owning my thoughts, my life, my actions, my intentions, and letting the fear slip away.

So having said all that, going back to the drinks tonight, I was thinking about my interactions with this friend and I wondered if I use my “self depricating” dialogue with her in order to get her energy.   I say often with her, that I don’t feel successful, or I want to be better, or I vent about my frustrations.  Do I do that to get her energy?  She almost always reminds me of good qualities I have and tells me to not be hard on myself.  She has this very naturing way about her that makes me feel like it’s going to be ok.   Today, I am going to try a different approach.  What about giving HER my energy??? Hmmmmm……I like it!