My friend works with an organization that helps wards of the state get their life together as they officially become “Adults” at the age of 18.  She recently asked me if I would be interested in volunteering my time to help these kids get prepared to enter the real world.  It seems a little abrupt, but when these kids turn 18, the state is done helping them.  They have to find a job, a place to live, food, transportation….I think the idea of that is so staggering.  I have been incredibly fortunate in my life, with two parents who were definitely better off than many people in this world.  They taught me a very strong sense of work ethic and a way of pursuing my dreams that I continue to live today….but the idea that I would be totally on my own at 18 is frightening.   I’ve been thinking about what I would say to these kids about goals.  I’m not sure about the outline of the presentation, or the format but it’s made me think about what I would say if I was given free reign.  Here’s what I’ve been thinking about, and I’m going to write it like I’m speaking it to the kids.

First of all, I want to say that I am in awe of all of you.  You have been given very difficult circumstances in life, but you are all still here.   You are alive, and able to make choices in your life about your future.  Do you believe you all have choices? I’m here to remind you all, that your life is in your hands.  First off,  I want to see how you guys feel about your lives?  How do you see your futures?  What do you think your destiny is?  What do you dream about?  Are you angry? Are you sad? Do you have hope?  Do you feel like life sucks and what’s the point?  Whatever you’re feeling is ok.  Experience what you’re feeling, but as you do, become aware of what you’re feeling.  Being aware of your thoughts and feelings is the first step to making any choice. You can’t change a thought you don’t know you’re having.   I want to reiterate, I have no earthly idea how you must feel.  I will never know what it feels like to be in your shoes, so as I say all of this, know that I think all of you are incredibly courageous.

Ok,  you are probably aware of your feelings about your situation, but answer me this:  Do you believe you will be successful in spite of your situation?   Think about that for a minute…..do you imagine yourself doing what you want to do in life? Can you see yourself doing the job you want? Living in the city you want? Eating in the restaurant you want?  Being in a relationship?   What is your first thought when I ask you to do this?  Do you dream but then think it’s impossible?  Do you think about all of the things that will get in the way?  Do you think about all of the limitations?  Do you think how you will not have enough money? Do you think it’s too hard to do?  I will tell you with 100% certainty, if YOU don’t think you can do “it”, you won’t.    The second key to being successful, is BELIEVING you can achieve your dreams. This can be a tough one if you’re used to thinking about all of the obstacles, and everything that stands between you and your dreams.  One thing that always helps me when I’m worried about achieving my goals, or afraid I won’t be successful is just to imagine the possibilities.   If you want to be a graphic designer but you don’t have the money to go to college, do you know with absolute certainty that you can’t go to college?  Can you tell me without a shadow of a doubt there is no POSSIBLE way you can go to college?  If you say yes, how can you know for sure that is true?  You can’t.  Are you a mind reader?  Do you have a crystal ball that you’re looking into, because if you do I need to borrow it.  So instead of thinking a thought that contradicts what you want, try this: name a couple of possibilities of going to college.   Just start thinking of ways you could go to college.  Could you win the lottery?  It’s possible.  Could you get a scholarship? It’s possible. Could you find a job that helps pay for college? It’s possible.   Could you find grants from the state and local levels?  Could you run into someone looking to teach and mold a bright young protege?  Yes, all of this is possible.   Now, let’s go back to the very first thing you need in order to make a choice-AWARENESS.   When you think these thoughts of all the possibilities helping you towards your goal, what do you feel?  Do you feel excited?  Do you feel exhilarated? Is hope in your body?  Can you see your potential life?  Won’t you agree that feeling and thinking this way makes your life a lot better than feeling defeated?  If it feels better to you, will help you move towards your goal rather than away from it, and give you hope, why not make a choice to think THESE thought and drop the old thoughts?

Now that you are all aware of the possibilities in life, and are willing to make a choice, let’s talk about S.M.A.R.T.     SMART is an acronym that I use any time I’m trying to achieve a goal of mine. Here’s what it stands for:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Time

Specific means just that.  When you are choosing your goals, make sure it’s specific in nature.  “I want to be rich” is very generic.  How rich?  Specifically how many dollars do you want in the bank?    ” I want to live in California”  What part?  What kind of home do you want to live in? A condo? A house?  Is it by the beach?  Can you walk to work?  The more specific your goal is, the more you are connected to your passion.

Measurable means you have a way to check whether or not you’re hitting your goal.  If you aim at nothing, you will hit it 100% of the time.  You have to be able to look at your progress towards your goal, and take celebration in smaller accomplishments.  If your goal is to save $1,000 for a new TV, you can measure how much you have saved.  If you want to lose 10 pounds, each pound is a small celebration.

Attainable.  Is your goal attainable?  Are you able to do this goal?  Many times when I start a goal, I dream of something that is five steps down the road.  There are some major things that need to happen before the ultimate goal.   If you want to be a doctor, you first have to go to medical school.    If there are certain steps you need to take to make the ultimate goal, start with those goals and break them down using S.M.A.R.T.

Realistic. This one can stump me sometimes because I tend to think very big. Why not? It’s fun to dream.  Is what you’re trying to achieve realistic?  Do you want to fly to the moon?  There is a possibility to do that, yes, but it might not be the most realistic.   Many times, I tend to set a goal that is so much higher than I have ever tried, that I get frustrated when it doesn’t happen.  Two schools of thoughts on this one, aim high and even if you miss you will probably be ahead of where you would be if you aimed low.   And the other safer thought is to push the boundaries in smaller increments so you don’t get too discouraged.  Remember, you have control of your choices in life.  You are in the driver’s seat of your thoughts and actions, so listen to what your feelings are telling you.

Time. You must have a deadline.  You must give some kind of structure to your goals.  Try a specific time line with the end goal in mind.  From there, work backwards and write down everything that is needs to take place in order to achieve your goal.   Breaking your goal down to smaller more manageable parts REALLY helps.  Remember, you only have the present moment to make choices.  Choose to stay in the moment, work on smaller activities which, when combined, form a huge accomplishment.

The last major, HUGE ingredient to success, is having faith in yourself. Despite set backs or obstacles, if you truly hold on to your vision, you can accomplish anything you choose.  The faith and the knowing will attract circumstances and people into your life that will help you along the way.  There is no need for desperation or scrambling.  With your confidence and your unwavering resolve, you WILL see your dreams realized.

Whoa….I had no idea all that was inside me.   I guess this is definitely something I should do. Makes me feel good, and hopefully I can make a few of these kids realize that even though their life is tough, they have the choice to be, or do anything they want.  Makes me want to reach further towards some of my own goals….n